I must be going crazy. Crazy seems just right in this case. I think about you even when I am not trying to think about you, but I am not close to you nor do I know you but I do know you and it's weird. It's weird because I am not brave enough to even say Hi. I'm not even brave enough to look into your eyes because I will get stuck there and then you will know. And you'll treat me as some plague so I am just going to relax and keep my feelings for you to myself and my dreams. Oh yeah I dream about you. More than once and sometimes they are wet, flowing like the Niagra and you do a great job of keeping me like that. It lies somewhere between magic and Heaven and it's sweeter than any honey bees can make.
But....and there is always a "but" especially in times like these. Where I know now that I won't ever be good anough for you because society will say so and you cater to what society thinks. This is where I lose my interest in you. I see you could be a great man, beyond any expectation that the world may have for you. But you're too easily influenced and I wouldn't want to be with a man who is puppeted by what others think or say because at the end of the day they are just as confused about their wants and needs as the rest of us. Then I see you not giving two shits about what someone else thinks or say. You could just be not attracted to me....then again I am not so sure if that's the problem. Could it be me? Yes probably. I have my own insecurities but I have been through enough experience to understand that with you I maybe right about my assumptions.
What does it say about me??? I'm just not ready to be open with you because it will be a got damn uphill battle with you and that's what I am scared of. And I am not going up that hill unless you take my hand and we can walk it together. I will not waste my time chasing after you. I do see you and I do get you.
In the meantime my dreams are my saftey net. Everything is a weird perfect world, no one cares, everyone is happy, we are happy being our weird happy selves. There's no judgement, no pressure just happiness. In reality I am not so sure....yet I still want to wrap my legs around your head.... it's just a thought, but a sweet one that makes me smile...someday I will have the courage to tell you these things, right now I won't because you don't deserve it. Until then .... See you in my dreams.
